Today is my oldest son’s birthday.

He is 33 years old.

That means I was just a youngster when I became his mother. Not as young as some, but too young to really grasp what I was getting into. I tended children all through my teen years. I knew how to kiss boo-boo’s, and sing the clean up song. I knew how to change diapers and feed a baby. What I found out was that there is so much more to being a parent than just caring for a child.

When I held Riley for the first time, I couldn’t speak. I just looked at him. As tears filled my eyes and ran down my cheeks, I thanked God for the privilege of being his Mama. I remember thinking I don’t know how to do this, but I am excited and happy to try. I’ve never felt love like that -before that moment.

Within the first few weeks, I felt a little more confident, but really you never know what you’re doing. That’s what I think, and that’s how I felt. Riley’s dad and I mostly just did the best we could with the knowledge and experience we had.

Our baby Emily, has always referred to Riley as our “Tester Pancake“. In case you don’t know what that is, it’s the first pancake you make that usually turns out not the best. It may have a weird shape, or you make the mistake of turning it too soon. It might get burned because the pan is too hot, etc. We all laugh at the nick name, but it is true that we made mistakes with our first born. So. Many. If I think about it too long I get a little sad, but I feel peace when I think somehow he turned out great! In fact he is amazing!!

One day we were talking with our adult kids and Riley said he was such a good kid. He felt he had never given us any trouble, and was an easy child to raise. I think he actually said, “I’m probably your best kid!” We all laughed! Ummm. No! Then he followed it up with, “Well, I’m definitely your Most Improved Kid!”

That is a fact! When I think about all that he has experienced, some things I don’t even know about, but some I do, I am so proud of the man he has become. For him to be our first, our Tester Pancake, and turn out to be our Most Improved, it says a lot about him as a person. About his ability to bounce back after challenges, his desire to always improve, and the way he has figured out how best to go through this life and be a success.

I love you, Son. Thank you for your patience with your Mama, (and Daddy) and for always trying to do better! oxoxo