Family History Friday: I’ve Never Heard of This Disease.

Posted on August 23, 2019 by Joy

When I learn about an ancestor there is a list of things I want to know about them. Three of them are:

Where is this town/city/country that they lived? I find it quick on a map.

What did they do for a living? I sometimes have to look this up.

What was their cause of death? Most the time, at least in the beginning, I always had to look this up.

When I learn the answers to these three questions, I usually have an immediate appreciation for them. I think, “Wow, they lived in that tiny village?” or “I’ve never heard of this disease.“

When I was looking at the information our family has on my paternal 2nd great grandpa Ole Olesen Halling, I looked at his cause of death. He died when he was 86, from a disease called Pemphigus. I looked it up on the internet.

The disease looks terrible.

This is the description I found: Pemphigus causes blisters on your skin and mucous membranes. The blisters rupture easily, leaving open sores, which may ooze and become infected. Pemphigus is an autoimmune disorder. Pemphigus can occur at any age, but it’s most often seen in people who are middle-aged or older. It tends to be a long-lasting (chronic) condition, and some types can be life-threatening without treatment. Treatment with medication usually controls it.

Of course there is a lot more information. I won’t share any more, except to say that the disease exists today, and is treated with steroids. Knowing that Ole died in 1902, I looked up when steroids were first discovered as a medication that can treat disease. I found that it was not discovered or used for treatment until 1950. This made me feel sad for him. I’m sure he suffered a lot, from the disease and did not have much relief, at least not what they use now to treat it. The disease finally caused his death.

What a trooper he was. He was 86 when he died. He lived for a time with a painful disease. I love him. I am encouraged to do my best knowing that he held on during his life. He lived his life, had a family, worked, came to America. It might not have been pretty, but he kept going.

We can do hard things.

That is what I think of when I think of Ole Olesen Halling. What a good man. I want to meet him someday, and tell him thank you for being strong and enduring.

Getting Home.

Posted on August 10, 2019 by Joy

When I was around 8 years old, we lived in the country. We rode the bus to and from school. Us old people like to say, “When I was a kid, we walked up hill, both ways to school…in a blizzard.” It wasn’t quite that bad, but there were a few things that made getting to school, and then back home, (when I was a kid) more challenging than it is these days .

1-The bus stop was a mile from our home.

2-From kindergarten until 5th grade, girls weren’t allowed to wear pants to school. That is hard to believe now. I wore shorts under my dress, so I could play on the monkey bars, and sometimes I’d wear pants under my dress till I got to school then take them off.

3-When it snowed, it really snowed. It has changed, but we used to jump off our balcony into the snow that was not that far down. My legs would freeze on the way to the bus stop. Sometimes I had pants on, sometimes not.

4-Parents never worried about strangers stealing their kids, so none of the parents took their kids to school.

I have all kinds of stories about going to school and then coming home.

Let me tell you about the time there was a very big, scary, obstacle between the bus stop and home. Something that could prevent me from getting home, or so I thought. That big scary thing was also hairy. Our neighbors around the corner from our house had a dog…a St. Bernard. At one time, I felt pretty comfortable with the dog, until it bit me. It wasn’t a bad bite. It was more like a warning bite, that just meant don’t mess with me or I’ll eat you up. And for some reason, I didn’t tell anyone about it. But after that I was scared to death of the dog. This dog lived on the road I had to go on to get home; sometimes the dog was tied up, sometimes not. This was in the country, so I couldn’t just go an extra block and back track to make it home. On this one day, I just didn’t feel confident that I could make it past the house where the dog lived without having a problem. I decided that instead of going home the usual way, I would go behind the house where the dog lived and make my way through the field until I got past the house and then go back to the road. What a great idea, I thought. So I started around the back of the house, making sure not to get too close to the house in case the dog was out and he would see me. My main goal was to not have to pass the house on the road. Within a short time, I realized that the area behind their house was the biggest sticker patch you’ve ever seen.

On this day, I had worn my lace tights. They were my favorite.

When I finally made it past the house and back to the road, I realized my tights were ruined. I didn’t have a lot of nice things back then, so I was pretty devastated about the tights, but at least I was alive and didn’t get attacked.

I don’t know if my mom ever saw the ruined tights, because I hid them in the very back of a play cupboard that my grandpa had made me. If she saw them, she never said anything.

I’ve thought a lot about that experience, and how because I didn’t tell anyone about the dog, I faced it alone. I didn’t feel brave enough, or stupid enough, to go home the normal way, so I tried to make my way around the problem and ended up with another experience that I wasn’t very happy about either. What should I have done different? I know as a child I felt alone a lot. I actually was alone, a lot. I thought I had to work things out on my own. I should have told my parents about the dog bite. Then they could make sure the neighbor kept their dog tied up, or in the house. I must have told my parents about the dog after that experience, because I don’t remember worrying about him after that.

I wish I could tell that little girl a few things, like:

Don’t ever feel like you’re alone. There will always be someone to help.

Ask for help. And if you don’t get the help you need, ask someone else.

Be brave and go through the challenges you face. Don’t try to go around them. It may not help at all, and it may make things worse.

I’m grateful for all of the experiences I’ve had. I always learn something, and I think it helps me see it in others when they struggle. When I see it in others I can then tell them I understand. “You’re not alone”; “I’m here to help”; “You are very brave”; and “If you need help getting home, I’m here.”

Happy Anniversary!

Posted on August 8, 2019 by Joy

My Darlin and I have been married for 34 years.

I’m so grateful for him.

He is definitely a keeper.

Some of the things we’ve learned in the years we’ve been married are what keep us married. Being married is work. It is full of challenges, frustrations, complete happiness, disappointment, and feeling loved. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Things I’ve learned in 34 years:

He means more to me now, because of all we’ve been through together. Never give up on your relationship. Going through tough times together, helps us grow closer.
It’s best to lower your expectations. Seriously. It’s true you have to sometimes anticipate how a certain situation will happen in order to mentally prepare for it, but don’t have grandiose ideas. The way romantic movies show relationships is not real life. Guys don’t think like that, most the time.
Sometimes we all make mistakes. One time my hubby bought a car without talking to me about it first. The reason is too much information to share in this post, and I may tell the story in a future post, but that was very difficult on our marriage, and we both learned some very important lesson’s. Make sure your feelings are heard and then forgive.
Love him for who he is, and don’t try to change him. He shouldn’t want to try to change you either. If changes are made, we make them together by setting goals and working on doing our best, together.
Appreciate his gifts, and talents. My darlin loves sports, and he is good at all sports. Me? Not so much, and I don’t enjoy them as much as he does. So I let him know if I want to do something different while he is enjoying what he loves. He does his thing, and I do mine.
Compartments. Men have compartments. Little mental places saved for what they are doing at the moment. I learned this at a marriage conference we went to and it is one of the most helpful things I’ve ever learned. When he is at work, he is in his work compartment. So if I say to him, “Did you miss me/think about me today, at work?” The answer is, “No.” He was thinking about work. I’m ok with this, it makes sense to me. So I don’t ask. I feel happy he is doing his job and providing for us. When he’s with me, he is in the “Joy” compartment. Yes, he is thinking about me. I love it when he is thinking about me. I think about him many times throughout the day. That’s what women do, and that’s ok too.
Physical touch is important, but not the most important. It is almost always more important to a man than a women. Knowing that, I love to be close to him, and I’m considerate about his needs. Because he loves me, he is considerate about my needs.
When you get older, new challenges appear. We have been married for 34 years. My mom and dad have been married almost 64 years. Things you’ve never dealt with in your life together become part of the journey. My father-in-law had Alzheimer’s. I’m sure my mother-in-law had no idea she would have to learn how to love her sweetheart in a whole new way after 50 years of marriage. I admire older couples who love each other through thick and thin. Staying positive and having a sense of humor during the aging process is important.
A sense of humor is very helpful. I really love to laugh. It’s a great core work out! When frustrating things happen in our day to day routines, try to see the humor. Sometimes it takes years for an experience to become funny, but they almost always do. Don’t be overly sensitive about experiences. “Let it go.” as the Disney movie says.
Gratitude. Honestly gratitude is the best way to make it through almost anything. You don’t have to be rich to be grateful. God gives us little blessings everyday. When our “Most Quoted” son Alex was serving his LDS mission to South Africa we saw that life can be very difficult and there are still blessings all around. The children in the orphanages in Swaziland were some of the happiest children. I love gratitude so much, because no matter what is happening in your marriage and life, you can always choose to be grateful. It is an eternal gift given by Father in Heaven to choose. I choose to be grateful for a wonderful husband, and marriage. I know I’m blessed to have the opportunity to have a sweetheart and create a family. That is what life is about.

Bonus: The most important thing I’ve learned is that God wants our marriage to be successful. He is a part of our everyday. We ask Him to bless our marriage, and help us to be patient and loving, and happy together. If you include God in your marriage He will bless you. Ask yourself if how you treat your spouse is ok with Him. If it’s not, do better. If it is, continue on in your wonderful journey.

Happy Anniversary to the best man for me! I love you sweetie! Thanks for being my darlin!

Reunion Time!

Posted on August 5, 2019 by Joy

I have a dear friend named Julie.

She has been my best friend since high school. We have been friends for long enough that we have some pretty troubling and embarrassing stories of our time together. I am amazed we made it though some of them. I’m so thankful we did. She is a gem. So loyal, and generous, and fun!

We have had this friendship and history for years, before we both got married. Then we both got married the same year within a month of each other. Both of our husbands names are Brett. Only her hubby’s only has one “t”. We started having our children within a year of each other. Because we love each other and we like to be with each other, as our children were born, they became friends. The kids don’t quite match up as far as ages go, but each of our kids are very close to each other. We used to call them our chosen cousins.

Let me add here that she has lived 350 miles away from me since just after we both got married. You have to put a big effort in to stay best friends when you live far away from each other. Also, we used to write letters to each other, because it cost too much to call and talk. Now we have cell phones and communicating is easy.

Our children are all adults. Almost all of them are married. Most of the married ones are parents.

We haven’t had all our kids together for years. They are all so busy and when my darlin and I visit them, it’s usually just the two of us.

We told Natasha we were going to visit with our friends and have a reunion. She says, “Now how are we related to them?” Kelsey said, “We’re not.” Natasha said, “What!!! We’re not related to them?” Haha, we laughed and laughed. All this time she thought they were family. Well, they are! We chose them.

So we had a reunion this last week in a little town in central Utah named Marysvale. It is an old mining town. There are lots of trails for riding 4 wheelers and hiking. We had so much fun! All of our kids and their spouses and grandkids where there. Wow! We know how to multiply.