Category Archives: Lessons

My Philosophy on Money

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Money is hard for me to wrap my brain around.

I know I need it to live, buy things, and enjoy life, but I don’t always know for sure how I’m going to do all of these things. I just do the best I can and it seems to work.

One reason why I think money is hard for me is because I’m not a number gal. I’m not good at Math, I don’t speak the language, I mean basics yes, but I’ve always struggled with remembering numbers.

Let me share an example; when I go to the store to buy bananas they have a price. The labeled price may be higher or lower than the last time, best price or average price. I would never know the difference. I don’t know how much bananas sell for. If I need bananas, I buy them. I know this sounds weird, like I never shop, but I do. I should know, but I don’t. Even right now I have no idea how much they are and I don’t care. Maybe that’s why I don’t know or pay attention, is because it’s not important to me. Interestingly enough. For years when I would make a trip to the store for some groceries, my total, without adding or counting what I had in the cart was almost always around $70-$75. No kidding! Yes, I bought a lot of the same or similar things but not always. If we needed it, I just bought it and if we didn’t I didn’t. I’m very frugal anyway and always have been. Now my average is more like $100-$120. Still that’s not much compared to what most people spend.

I don’t really like to shop for clothes much. I love to thrift! One of the funnest things about thrifting is the hunt. Looking for a treasure! “One man’s garbage is another man’s (or woman’s) treasure,” is truth. Something about buying a used item, and it’s still usable makes my heart happy.

I would also consider myself very humble as far a my looks go. Honestly I’m just an average looking gal. I went to cosmetology school when I was young, and still have my license, but I don’t spent much on myself. I remember my teachers in school telling us that what we do is enhance or compliment the natural beauty. What that tells me is blue hair, super long nails, and incredibly long and thick eyelashes are not natural. I have are hard time spending money on things that are not necessary, and cost a ton. I know that lots of girls get hair extensions and they can cost thousands of dollars. I know that is not a good thing. I colored my hair for years. Then I didn’t want to pay someone to do it, so I taught my sweety how to do it. He struggle with it a little and I finally thought “Why?” I don’t care about having my hair colored, I’m getting older and I think I should act my age. So I quit. I was only spending about $10-$15 dollars a month on my hair, so I decided to donate $10/month to our churches Humanitarian Fund. It’s not much, but I feel better about that, and I have grown very fond of my gray hair.

As far as going on trips and adventures go, we are very careful about that. We are trying to prepare for retirement, and feel like we don’t want to struggle then. Paying extra on our house, doing some investing, and living frugal will hopefully make retirement happen. But we do have very generous people in our lives who are always blessing us with fun things to do. My best friend is a gem about letting us visit and enjoy fun times with them. My siblings have helped us go on sibling trips by sharing the financial responsibilities. We mostly just do visits with our friends and family close to home.

When the kids were little money was such a challenge, but we paid our tithing and still do, and we have never gone without. We were able to help 3 of kids serves LDS missions, and enjoyed a few trips a year to Bear Lake and Park City. My in-laws had a trailer at Bear Lake and a timeshare at Park City. We had so much fun and spent very little money.

To some up, I’d say my philosophy about money is respect it, what it can do for you, even if you live modestly. Always have a grateful heart. Like I told the kids years ago, not all blessings are financial. We have everything we need and we are very comfortable. We use only what we need, and share with others.

Doctrine and Covenants 78:19 And he who receiveth all things with thankfulness shall be made glorious; and the things of this earth shall be added unto him, even an hundred fold, yea, more.

God is good. Money is a necessary part of life, but when you careful and always grateful there is always enough!

Possible ADHD or Square Peg

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When I was a kid in school I liked many things about it; making friends, playing on the play ground, going to gym class, and possibly learning new things. I don’t remember learning to read, but I loved the Dick and Jane books. The pictures were so colorful and the children were adorable. I can’t really remember liking learning new things, because sometimes it was hard. Sometimes it felt like my head hurt. I must have like learning though, because I did.

I’m so glad I learned enough to get me to adulthood and now I love learning. Maybe it’s one of the times that “practice makes perfect” or at least practice makes better. I may have had ADHD, but it really wasn’t a thing back then and I know my Mama always said my older brother Brian was hyper active. That was what they called it back then. He did graduate from college with a degree, so he must have learned some coping skills. I was not like him in the hyper sense. I liked to play and be busy, just not hyper active. Raising 3 children with ADHD, I have felt they are extremely gifted, they just learn, and express themselves in a different way. I used to say the school system was a round hole and my kids were a square peg. They are amazing, gifted, and talented people who grew up to be wonderful adults and contributors.

I’m not great with math even now. It’s ok though because I don’t really use it for much and I have a calculator on my phone. I still don’t know how to write sentences and other English things, I usually have my daughter proof read my writing, she’s a genius at English. I loved gymnastics which I took instead of gym all through junior high and high school. I know that I liked anything that had to do with art. In fact probably my favorite class was pottery. This was my senior year in high school and we had such a great time throwing pots on the wheel and learning all about pottery, glaze and how to put a handle on a pitcher or cup. Maybe it was the fact that we were using our hands and forming the clay. It was so tactile. Feeling the clay move past my hands while it was going so fast and pulling it ever so carefully up or out to create a vase or bowl. It was so fun.

Maybe I was just bored in the other classes, not ADHD, maybe I just hadn’t found the thing for me. I never had a hard time staying focused in pottery class. Thankfully I have learned to love learning new things and I have learned how to focus when it is important.

I think ADHD or a square peg are just different, and I’m ok with it. If fact I honor it.

Growing Up.

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As a child I wanted to be grown up. I wanted to buy a car, get married, have children, own a home and decorate. It all sounded like fun! And seeing people travel the world, and having fun adventures always looks better on film, or in pictures. We have no idea what went into the planning, the money involved and the energy it took to do their life.

The hardest part about growing up for me has been doing hard things. Responsible things like, working, or giving birth, or making dinner. There is an artist that I love named Mary Engelbreit. She made a calendar years ago with the quote, “Life is Just So Daily” on the front. I’m sure kids don’t get it, but adults do.

Since I have been an adult, I’ve realized our parents and others made it look good. They must have had struggles and challenges, but I was really unaware. I must have been busy being a kid. I heard it said once, “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap!” Hahaha! That’s funny, and true! There are mundane daily things like dishes, laundry and chores, but also some really hard challenges and experiences. You just need to keep going, keep living and plugging along.

I have spent the majority of my adult years very overwhelmed and feeling pretty bad about myself. My expectations of what it would be like and how I would manage were way off. I was very disappointed in myself. Then I learned some great lessons. I learned that life is harder as an adult than I thought it would be. I learned that it’s ok to not have it all together. I learned that for the rest of my life I will be trying to get a grip. And that’s ok. I learned that even in all the challenges of being an adult, there are some major benefits too.

Some of the best blessings and most cherished experiences you can only have with a sweetheart and in a family, as an adult. Getting married and having your best friend as your mate is like a play date. He’s so wonderful, and fun, and sometimes I with I could send him home to “his” house, but we just go to bed and things are better in the morning. To create life with my sweetheart is so wonderful. To see him holding and loving and caring for our kids, and grandkids is such a treasure. To have things and stuff that we have worked for, a home, cars, fun toys, comfortable furniture, and we can’t forget food to enjoy is the best. But most important is the relationships, the family, the time and the love we have experienced in a greater sense than ever before in life.

Growing up is hard, but it is the best!

Favorite Books

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As a small child a fun thing that would happen about once a month or so, down by the church we attended would be parked a big motorhome/bus looking vehicle. It was called the Bookmobile. To see it parked there would be such a happy thrill. I loved the Bookmobile. I had various books for different ages and by different authors. It had a special smell and all the books looked wonderful lined up waiting to be read.

I loved the picture books before I was very proficient at reading. One of my favorites is a book called The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton. It’s a story about a precious little cottage that is built on a hill out in the country. There is a brook nearby and fruit trees with swing hanging from them. Smoke is coming from the chimney in the cold months and in the warm months the mother in the home hangs clothes to dry in the yard. There is even a little pond for swimming just down the hill from the house. At first the family comes and goes in a horse drawn carriage, but soon there are cars, and tractors and machinery that makes it way to the little house. The little house is curious about the city, but is concerned as other houses rise up around, and soon the little house is surrounded by a large city. The buildings are very tall on either side of the little house and the sun is blocked, so no one wants to live in the little house. The city kept getting bigger and bigger. Trollies and cars and busy people constantly moving and the little house missed the country. Then one day the great great granddaughter of the man who built the little house came and moved the little house back out to the country. The great great granddaughter found just the right spot and the little house was so happy and never wondered about the city again.

I love that story! The cute little house and yard and country location are just what I’d always wanted to live in.

The next favorite book that I love is The Secret Garden by Francis Hodgson Burnett. An orphan goes to live with her uncle. He is very sad and lonely. She is very sad too. She finds a secret garden near the uncles home and asks him if she can use a bit of land to plant things. She meets a new friend, Dickon, who is the younger brother to the chambermaid Martha. She finds out shortly after she gets to her uncles house that she has a cousin, Colin. He is very sickly and his existence is all about crying and being taken care of. Well, Mary the orphan and cousin is not putting up with him. She helps him to realize he’s not sick and encourages him to do more. He starts to do better, and Mary, Colin and Dickon spend hours in the garden. This is another example of something I always wanted to do. Work the land and make my patch of earth very beautiful with flowers, vegetables, shrubs and trees. I love to be in nature.

The next favorite story that I love is one that I read as an adult. It is a classic. It’s called: Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. My Mama read to us kids from this book when I was young. I remember being kind of concerned about the lady Miss Havisham, who still wears her wedding dress and that the wedding cake and flowers are covered in cobwebs. It was always there in the back of my mind growing up and then I finally decided it was time to read it. It’s not an easy book, even though the reading level for this book is considered to be grade 9, and the genre is young adult. The book is over 100 years old and many of the words are not in use anymore. This does make it a challenging book to read. I must say even though it was tough for me, I thoroughly enjoyed the book, the story and the characters. The main hero of the book is Pip. His full name is Philip Pirrip, but goes by Pip. He is a very poor orphan who is being raised by his oldest sister. She is unkind to him, but her husband Joe is a good man and treats Pip kindly. Pip runs into an escaped convict, Magwitch who asks Pip to bring a file so he can cut his chains off. Pip brings the file to him and also food.

This kindness touches the convict who later becomes a very important part of the story.

Pip is asked by Miss Havisham to visit and he spends time with her adopted daughter Estella. The two children play games and Pip developes an affection for Estella while she acts aloof and disinterested.

Much later Pip is given an opportunity to go to London and become a “Gentleman”. Pip doesn’t know who his benefactor is, but he suspects it is Miss Havisham. There are many twists and turns and Pip finally finds out who is supporting him. He learns some very hard lessons about what is most important. He learns that sometimes the ones we judge or look down on turn out to be the best people after all.

I’ve always considered expectations to be one of the most difficult things in life. It’s something we all do. We have some plan for our future, we have expectations, but very seldom does life turn out exactly like we think or expect. As a young woman my hope was to marry and become a Mama. That was my dream. My expectation was that I would be able to be a homemaker and care for my children without working a job outside the home. Reality, my dream came true, I am married and a Mama. I’m so thankful for that blessing. My expectation did not happen the way I hoped. It has been necessary for me to work in some way or another to help provide for our little family. Was I disappointed? Yes, but I also found creative ways to work, like doing daycare so I was home and bringing in income.

So is it better to not have expectations? If we don’t make plans or expect certain things to go a certain way, will we move forward toward our goals or what we want? Or what if there is an event that you’re planning, you need to plan. How many people do you expect? And the planning continues; I want people to come, what if they don’t? I want it to be fun, what if someone gets upset? (Like last time). I better be prepared or expect there could be problems. Another example: When I’m a grandma, it will be like this or that. Then when you become a grandma you realize you’re not in charge. How you expected it to be is not how it is. I’m still learning this at 61 years old. It seems to be better to just enjoy life. Do your best in whatever life gives you. Be careful with expectations, for Pip and me they don’t always turn out how you thought they would, but they turn out wonderful. It is best to enjoy life, and be thankful in all things. Great Expectations are a lesson in life.

We’re All Influencers

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I had a conversation with my daughter Kelsey the other day about “Influencers” on social media. As we talked about how they seem to be quite confident in what they share and seem to believe. Some of the influencers are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the same church we belong to. These are good people, and they sometimes have a large following, but they’re views and what they do is not always the view of the church, exactly. They sometimes don’t follow all the teachings, completely. Some are even upset about something the church or its leaders have said, and they share that on their platform. I’m a believer in agency and the freedom to choose. I know others don’t always agree with what the church teaches, but when my daughter and I talked, we both agreed the best place to learn about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is from an official representative, missionaries, leaders, and those who are called to share the true gospel teachings. If you got your feelings hurt, or an older mentor told you something and it’s not correct, you shouldn’t be sharing that information if it’s not true. That being said, you can’t change others.

The 6th question in the temple recommend interview is this:

  1. Do you follow the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ in your private and public behavior with members of your family and others?

Russell M Nelson said, “Individual worthiness requires a total conversion of mind and heart to be more like the Lord.”

Are you an example? What about an Influencer? Influencer: one who exerts influence : a person who inspires or guides the actions of others.

Aren’t we all- Influencers? Whether we influence others to do what’s right or not.  

I want to tell you about two of the most Christlike influencers I know: My parents. My Daddy was not a member of the church until he was a 20 year old in the army, stationed at the Presidio in San Francisco. He joined the church, because he was influenced by another soldier who was a member and who gave him a copy of the Book of Mormon. My Mama grew up a member of the church in Salt Lake City, and was on an adventure working and living with girlfriends in San Francisco.  They met at church and shortly after fell in love. 

After marriage they moved to Utah. All the while living the gospel, and being amazing. They raised a big family by today’s standards, 6 kids. Five boys and one girl. That’s me. 

All parents know that the job is tough. We do our best, but we’re not perfect. My three older brothers struggled living what my parents taught, but were never left out or not included. The influence and love my parents showed was beautiful, and consistent.

I want to tell you about one brother, Keith. He was an alcoholic, a smoker, and a drug addict for most of his adult (young) life. He was finally jailed for a DUI, and would call my parents often begging through tears for them to come get him, all while the parent not talking to him would help the one talking to him be strong. “You need to be there”, they’d say. He was there for 5-6 months. While waiting for the court date, Dad wrote a letter to the judge asking to please be lenient with his ruling and let Keith be released with time served and come home. He could have gone to prison. Thankfully, he was released with an ankle bracelet and allowed to come home to my wonderful parents’ influence and love. FYI there isn’t alcohol, cigarettes or drugs at the county jail. He was clean the day he was released. Maybe seeing his life for the first time since his teen years, sober. The pull of my parents’ love would prove to be greater than the pull of his previous lifestyle. He was able to stay sober and became completely active in the church. He married in the temple, and served in whatever calling he was given. Guess what? He became a righteous influencer to all who knew his previous life. He became a positive influencer because my parents were a positive influence to him. One remaining challenge from using needles with drugs, he had contracted Hep C. His liver began to fail. We were so worried and sad. He had just cleaned up his life! But we all prayed for a miracle. It happened and through a very generous donation Keith received a liver from a donor who had died in a car crash. 

My parents provided Sunday Dinner every week for most of our adult lives for all the extended family. All were invited and most of the time everyone would come. On occasion my kids would  see one of my older brothers smoking out in front of the house. They knew it wasn’t a good thing, and they’d come tell me in a very worried voice. I’d say, “yes your uncle smokes, but that’s not who he is. We love him no matter what he does.” 

My parents went through so much worry with kids whose choices were not what they wanted for them, but their love for them was always greater.  

Even if we understand the idea that we should love people, we sometimes think we’re supposed to love them back onto our path instead of respecting their own journey. I’m not trying to love people into coming with me. I’m just loving people. No expectations, no transaction. They and God will figure out their journey; my job is to love them along the way. -Steve Young

Now, back to my brother Keith. He did great for a while, loving and serving and blessing lots of people, and living as a follower of Christ. He found out that he had throat cancer in 2019, then glioblastoma (brain cancer) in 2020, and passed away in January of 2021.  

I have lost all three of my older brothers, now. They all died young. Their choices and lifestyles quite possibly could have played a part in that. But they always knew they were loved and could receive help at any time from Mom and Dad. The lesson is this. Our job is not to judge. Our job is not to choose for another. Our job is to live the gospel of Jesus Christ in our homes and in our community and in the world. We are all influencers. Living the gospel is the right thing to do, and being a righteous influencer as a result of it is wonderful. I want my legacy to be that I loved everyone, and that I was an example of a believer. When you love, it doesn’t mean you agree, it means you honor their right to choose for themselves. It means we love our non-member or inactive neighbor. It means we continue in faith even when the world is in turmoil.

2 Nephi 31:19 …after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow apath, I would ask if all is bdone? 

20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a asteadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of bhope, and a clove of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and dendure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eeternal life.  

Jesus said, “Love everyone, treat them kindly too. When your heart is filled with love… (you’ll feel good and true.)” I’m so thankful for the most wonderful influencers in my life, my parents. For their example and influence that has blessed me with the desire to “follow the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ in my private and public behavior, with family and others.“

A Vintage Survival Pioneer Trek

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I looked up the word Vintage, and besides references about wine I found, a period of origin and dating from the past, and the word Survival means the state or fact of continuing to live or exist, typically in spite of difficult circumstances, and decided to use these words to describe the first pioneer trek I ever went on. Of course this wasn’t the first pioneer trek, that trek was the definitely vintage and the epitome of survival. Things have changed a lot since my first trek experience, even in the modern reenactment treks that happen now.

I was about 14 years old, and it was about the mid 1970’s. It was tough! I still feel a little uneasy about how this trek was done, and think it should have or could have been a better experience.

As I remember it, we arrived at the church on Thursday in our pioneer outfits. In our ward a common and expected thing would be for our leaders to have a table set up with a breakfast treat like donuts or muffins and maybe even juice while we waited for everyone to arrive. Not for this event. Nothing, not even water. I was a little bummed, because I didn’t eat before I left home, no breakfast, no snack or anything. This would normally not be a big deal if lunch was the next opportunity to eat, but as I found out later it would be a quite a long while till I would eat.

We got on a bus, and drove for some time, maybe an hour or two. We got to the location, in a canyon somewhere. I have no idea where it was. We got out and were assigned a family group. A Ma and Pa and siblings. The leaders went through the kids bags and removed all candy, gum and any distractions. We got our handcart and started on our way. We walked and walked, we may have even sung as we walked and walked and walked and walked, I don’t remember. We walked and pushed and pulled and took turns in the front of the handcart for a long time. It started to get dusk and we stopped. They said we were stopping for the night. I think they said we went 12 miles. Shortly after we stopped we were givin a cup of broth and a piece of beef jerky. That was it. I honestly don’t remember having water. We didn’t bring water bottles with us. It wasn’t like it is now when all the leaders encourage the youth to bring a water bottle and make sure they take lots of drinks so no one would get dehydrated. So once we were ready we went to bed.

The next day, Friday, we walked and walked again for hours. We may have stopped from time to time, I don’t remember. I don’t remember anything about the food on the second day, but it had to be better than the first day. We walked and pushed the handcarts all day again. I seem to remember that we went 15 miles, and when we quit, we made camp and planned to stay there for a day or so. I don’t remember tents, so I’m sure we just slept out under the stars.

On Saturday, early in the day we had all kinds of busy-ness going on. One thing they did was to release live turkeys and some of the boys chased them down until they caught them. Then they were butchered. Someone chopped off their heads and then we all helped to remove the innards and plucked the turkey. When it was ready it was put in a large dutch oven with other vegetables and buried down in the ground with coals to cook it. In the mean time we played pioneer games and messed around while the food cooked. When the food was done, we dug it out and had the best food I may have ever eaten in my life. That turkey and those veggies were cooked to perfection. Whoever was in charge of that part of the trip was a master.

The next day, Sunday we had our Sunday Sacrament meeting and sat on logs laid out in rows for pews. After Sacrament meeting we did a thing they called solo. We were asked to find a place to spend time in nature away from the other kids and adults. We were to use the time writing in our journal, or reading our scriptures or resting. This was supposed to take place till evening or dusk and then we all gathered together for testimony meeting. I remember trying really hard to have a spiritual experience, or to have something profound to write in my journal, but I was pretty much still feeling out of sorts and kind of insecure. I kept wondering who was in charge and why we were doing this trek. What were we supposed to learn. Maybe we were supposed to learn that we had it easy, that we were pansies, or that challenges are good for us. Maybe we were supposed to learn that we had no clue about how hard it was for the pioneers. I’m sure all of that is true, I just didn’t feel it at the time. Was I too young to truly appreciate what I was experiencing? Definitely, and I’m sure I just wanted to go home.

On Monday morning we broke camp and headed toward the bus and home. Thank heavens! In the end I think they were trying to teach us about hardship and to help us appreciate the original pioneers. I did, and I do. If that’s how pioneer trek reenactments happened today, I would never go on a pioneer trek again.

Thankfully the focus has changed from hardship and endurance to an appreciation of the people themselves. I have been on a pioneer trek since this vintage survival trek and it is much more positive, and even endearing. The kids are assigned or pick a pioneer, and act as if they are that person. They find out the history of that person and what was going on in their lives at the time of the original trek west. This gives them the opportunity to think about them and ask questions like: Why would they do it? What drove them to leave their homeland and sacrifice so much to come to Zion? When you think about that, it’s a lot to take in and contemplate.

They walked an 23,636 steps a day.

Do I put that much energy into anything? Am I driven to follow God and the Prophet like they were? I know I can do hard things for a noble cause, and I want to feel like my time on earth counts. It’s important to make good choices, and to follow good leaders, and bless others along the way. How many steps a day do I make to leave a legacy?

I’m grateful I had a vintage survival pioneer trek experience, but I am glad its over. I am more grateful to the pioneers for their spirit and tenacity and willingness to struggle and even die to get to Zion, and leave such a lasting legacy. Learning about them and following their example is a blessing I will always be grateful for.

You’ll Feel Better

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A handful of years ago I was in a challenging place. Our life had changed completely. If you visit the blog or know me you would already know this. Just for the sake of the story I’ll tell you a what happened.

One thing that I should share is that I have depression. I have had it for many years. I am a pretty good faker, but mostly because it’s my struggle and I don’t want people to ask too much about it. I have had a lot of responsibilities while having depression, so I would say I’m high functioning (whatever that means). I mostly just do what I need to do and cry or be by myself when I get home. I’m telling you this because I’ve dealt with this for a long time, and if or when something big happens or changes, it can have a huge impact on my wellbeing.

Somehow I made it through a son entering the army, a son going to South Africa on a LDS Mission, and two daughters serving missions, one of which was out of the country. I am very protective and a worrier, so my kids growing up, and living somewhere out in the world is not fun. I was only able to handle this time and these experiences because of my faith in God and my understanding that it is actually a good thing and important for our kids to grow up and leave home and make their way in the world. We always knew that the end goal was to raise our kids and send them off into the unknown. We wanted them to be amazing, independent and make the world better for their being in it. That is what they did. They are wonderful. They are incredible people and I look up to them.

When our youngest Emily, our Bonus Baby came home from her mission we thought, “What’s next?” All of our children were living at home. Our oldest and his sweet wife Janet were living in our basement apartment, while they looked for a home. And the other two were working and deciding what they were going to do. All the kids were working to give us help with the bills and such. We knew we wouldn’t/couldn’t make ends meet without them. We were house poor when we bought our wonderful home, but wanted to stay as long as possible. We lived there for 18 years. We raised our kids there, we loved our neighbors and location…but, we knew it was time to move. We prayed and felt like we needed to put the house up for sale. We sold it in 2 months. Riley and Janet bought a house. Alex bought a house and the girls moved in with him.

In a 3 months period of time we got our youngest home from a mission, moved and became empty nesters. I mean when it’s right, it’s right! I knew it would be hard, but I also knew it was right. Things fell into place. Next was adjusting to all the new stuff, and missing my kids. Sniff, sniff, waaahhhhh!

We love our home! We love our neighbors and new friends. I was just so lonesome. So lonesome for my kids. I guess we really ripped the band-aid off! I had a few different jobs, but was really struggling with my depression and finally decided to stay home and do daycare. What that meant was I could feel sad now and then, and hold and love someone else’s kids while I try to adjust to this new normal. It helped. I love children and they love me.

On one occasion I was feeling super sad, and I said to Father in Heaven. “If you’ll help me feel better, I’ll do more.” Meaning I’ll love others more, I’ll leave my house and serve. I’ll bless others with my love. I was having a hard time just helping with the young women in our LDS Ward. I wanted to help, but totaling didn’t want to help. I didn’t want to leave the house. Tears came very easy. I cried so much during this time in my life. After I told Heavenly Father that I’d do more if He helped me feel better, the very next thought that came to my mind was, “If you’d do more, you’d feel better.” Very clear, very calm, that was the answer. I said out loud, “Damnit!” I didn’t want that answer! I knew that that was the right answer, because we forget ourselves when we serve, but I didn’t feel like it. I wanted to feel like it and then do better.

Doing what God wants is always good, but when we do it while we’re in the middle of pain, hardship or sorrow, it is actually doing something that will help us to be more Christlike. Serving, loving and helping another while you’re in pain is what Jesus did after He suffered in the Garden when He healed the guards ear. It’s what He did on the cross when He was in agony and He gave John charge over His Mama. He is our best and most wonderful example. I want to be like Him.

That was pure revelation for me. It was then and is now a guide to doing better. If I’m struggling to love, serve or help another and I don’t really want to do it- I know that’s ok, but I also know I’ll feel better after I do it. I’m so grateful for revelation. I’m so grateful that even in my weird chemical brain I have been blessed with inspiration. I just need to be still and open to it. I want any and all the inspiration that Heavenly Father is willing to give me. I know that He will inspire you too with what ever help you need. Be careful though, cause you might just have to do something you didn’t really want to do, but I promise you will feel better!

Parents-Doing Their Best

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When I was little, I had a tricycle. I loved my tricycle, and rode it as much as I could. Some days were snowy days, and some days I was busy doing other fun things for playtime. I remember one year it was Christmas time, and I found my tricycle in the basement in Dad‘s room where he did projects. I was surprised to find it there, and wondered what Daddy was doing with it. On Christmas day I received a tricycle that looked a lot like my tricycle, but was a different color. How fun to get a new tricycle in a new color to ride and enjoy!
Many years later, and many Christmases later I was one of the parents with little children to surprise on Christmas morning. In the garage hidden in the back was a Wonder horse that had belonged to Riley years before. He had outgrown it and I thought he forgot about it. My Darlin and I thought we would paint it up and give it to Alex for Christmas. Early on Christmas morning the kids woke us up excited to check out their presents! It’s always a fun time on Christmas morning. As each of the kids surveyed their gifts, I noticed Riley checking out Alex‘s horse. I could practically see the wheels turning in his head. Then he said, ”Hey.., that looks a little like my old Wonder horse.” I said, “Hmmm, I thought your wonder horse was in the back of the garage.” and he said, ”Oh yeah!” and then continued playing with his toys as happy as could be.
Another Christmas, Riley had asked for a mountain bike for Christmas. Weeks before Christmas came my Darlin and I had found a bike in really good shape at a yard sale and decided that this would do for Riley‘s Christmas. Christmas morning came Riley surveyed his toys and came up to the mountain bike and said, ”Hey, this bike is used!” all the kids stopped what they were doing a looked. I had to think fast and said, “Well, maybe it is. Maybe Santa gave it to another little boy that didn’t appreciate it and so now he’s giving it to you.” Riley looked at the bike smiled and said, “This is a great bike!”

As children, we never realize the sacrifice our parents make to provide for our needs and our wants. It isn’t until we become the parents that we see how much love really goes into the gifts that are given. My parents were doing the best they could, and me and my Darlin as parents were too. The most important part of getting and giving gifts is understanding the heart of the person giving it. Most people are doing the best they can and we should appreciate that.

Teaching our children to love and appreciate what they have and what they get is the very best gift we can give them, and I’m so grateful my parents gave me that gift!

Cheerleaders!

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This cutie on top is my little friend Kalli!

I love to watch cheerleaders! They are truly amazing. They get you pumped up and excited about life. When they perform and do stunts it is a wow moment in life! One of the funnest things I’ve seen them do is called Spirit fingers. They lift up their hands high in the air and wiggle their fingers and yell “Wooohooo!” If they do it right the people in the audience will raise their hands and do spirit fingers back to them and yell “Wooohooo” too.

I loved cheerleaders in junior high school too. I thought that being a cheerleader would be so fun! I did gymnastics for years and knew how to tumble, and do some tricks. I decided when try outs were coming up that I should try out for cheerleader. I worked hard at it, but I was all by myself. Some of the girls would work together as they practiced the required cheer and stunts. We didn’t have stunts back them like they have now, where several girls lift the smallest girl while she holds her leg up and then flips off the top of the girls holding her. It was just you doing a cheer that they gave you. On the day of try outs I was so nervous. I felt good too, like it could happen. I could make cheerleader and have a blast cheering the teams on at all the games.

When it was my turn to try out, I ran out into the gym, did a tumbling pass and yelled my cheer at the top of my lungs! I thought “Oh yeah, I’ve got spirit!” It went well, I thought, mostly because I never got to see anyone else try out. I felt good about it though. I went home. Wondered about it several times. Then bedtime came. I didn’t sleep great, because I was still wondering and hoping that I made it. The next morning I got on the bus for school. I saw one of the other girls who tried out. I said, “I think I might have made cheerleader.” She said, “Really?” I said, “I just feel good about how I did.” She smiled. When we got to school they had an assembly were the new cheerleaders were announced. I found out that the new cheerleaders had been kidnapped the night before and taken for dinner or dessert, I can’t remember which. I also found out that the girl who tried out with me and that I talked to on the bus made cheerleader. I felt foolish. I wished I hadn’t said anything to her. Oh well, I thought you can’t do anything about it now. I was sad for little while, but then ok with not making cheerleader, but I never tried out again. That was about 47 years ago.

I still love to watch cheerleaders. They are amazing. It sure looks like fun!

I was recently thinking about the story of trying out for cheerleader. I’m ok with not making it, and not being a cheerleader, but I realized while thinking, I am a cheerleader! Even though I didn’t make cheerleader as a young woman I am a cheerleader and always will be.

At 21 years old, I was a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I was a cheerleader for people looking for a Savior and friend. As missionaries we would cheer as they accepted the gospel and were baptized members of the church. We felt the spirit as they bore humble testimony of God and His influence in their lives. What a blessing to be their cheerleaders.

I cheer for my brothers, Daddy and Mama. Since Daddy passed away I am my mama’s biggest cheerleader. I give her pep talks and tell her how amazing she is, and that she can “do it!”

In the first years of marriage and even now, I am my husbands best cheerleader. All through the years we raised our children I cheered them on daily! (Spirit fingers!!) I was chosen to be a Relief Society President and Head cheerleader to our ward women’s organization. It was an important job- encouraging those mom’s and wives to do their best in spite of exhaustion. I cheered the Primary children on as the Primary President and leader and taught them all about spirit, and how to follow the leader. I cheered for the Young Women in our neighborhood as the Young Women President and leader, and sometimes we cheered together about this wonderful, and exciting life! Just like a high school football game, there were highs and lows and I would cheer; “You can do it! There’s nothin to it!!”

I cheer for my kids now that they are adults, and their spouses and their darling little team mates! I will always be their cheerleader!

This year I made it to one of the best squads. I didn’t even have to try out. I was chosen to be a cheerleader for Families. I am so excited to cheer for the members of our ward family. I will cheer and encourage and persuade them to research and find their loved ones and get to know them. Then they can take them to the temple and be together forever!! I am cheering on my friends who are writing their personal histories. I am sharing my excitement and spirit for Family History. Yes! This is an important job. I love it and I’m having so much fun cheering!

We can all be cheerleaders. You don’t have to try out. You just need to be available and care about others. It’s that simple.

“We have spirit- yes we do, We have spirit- how about you?”

COVID-19

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It’s been a tough year in our world.

I’m sure you know.

I have to put an extra amount of effort in to just getting through the day sometimes. The world feels like it is in chaos. So much going on, but it all started for me with Covid-19. This virus has been making its way around the world causing death and heartache. Covid-19 stands for “Co” Corona, “Vi” Virus, and “D” disease. 19 is the year the virus came out. I don’t like that. So-

Aren’t acronyms great?

Looking at the acronym which holds so many negative and frustrating feelings, I made a choice to change what COVID-19 means to me. It doesn’t make it go away, or change the things associated with it, but it helps me focus on what “I” can do. I get to choose how I feel and what I’m going to do inside with the worry, sadness, frustration, and anger I feel about this year. So here is what COVID-19 means to me…

Choose Optimism & Valor In Distress 19

19 is a prime number- only divisible by the number 1 and itself.

Number one is God in my life. “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13. I know God is very aware of what is going on right now. I know He’s OK with us having hard things happen sometimes. We need it. It reminds us what’s most important in life. It’s not stuff, or popularity. It’s not running around busy, busy, busy. It helps us grow in ways He wants us to grow.

What can I do?

I have been reminded and I am grateful for the reminder to slow down, spend time on loving my family and loving myself. When I think that 19 is prime, only divisible with “1” which I will focus on as God, and “itself”, that’s me. What can I do? And I decided to set 19 goals to accomplish this year and on, depending on when the goals are accomplished and when the virus is gone.

1-Slow down-Stop, sit still, think. What is God telling me about my life. What is my body trying to tell me. Am I listening to my intuition or the spirit tell me how best to go forward. There is a peace that comes with feeling connected to a higher power. He knows everything, I know not much. I love being lead. I feel calm when I think of Heavenly Father and my Savior. I feel their love and peace. Slowing down is very helpful.

2-Be grateful-Always look for the blessings in life. It is amazing how many tiny insignificant things I see, feel, or notice on a daily basis that lets me know there is order in the chaos. I have a gratitude journal, it is super helpful as a reminder to be grateful.

3-Spend time with my spouse, reminding each other what we love about each other-Busyness is one of the enemies of a great marriage. You really need to make time for each other and work on loving each other. Ask yourself, “Why did I marry him/her?” and appreciate those things again. Look for growth and service. My sweetie has served me in many ways through the years and I love him for it. We need to laugh and have fun with each other. Since we live in the same house and the virus can’t stop us from being together, we have had a lot of time to laugh and love each other.

4-Reading my scriptures everyday-I have been reading for my whole life, and I never get tired of it. There is always something new to learn. I love that about the scriptures.

5-Having meaningful church at home-We’re still working on the meaningful. I love Zooming sacrament meeting in my PJ’s. That’s something I never thought I’d be able to do. I would miss it, if it weren’t for Zoom. Thank you, Zoom people.

6-Organizing our home-Cleaning out closets, organizing memorabilia. I refer to this as, “Getting a grip.” Still working on it.

7-Going through old pictures-What a fun activity!! Looking through pictures of our sweet children when they were little, and sharing fun old pictures with each other through text.

8-Writing notes and letters to loved ones-I love getting letters. I try to write notes to those I love and let them know I love and appreciate them.

9-Donating to charities-After I go through the closets and realize I don’t need all this stuff, I make an appointment and donate it.

10-Gathering in a careful way-this is easier in the summer, or warmer weather. We can still space out and wear masks, like meeting at the park. Everywhere we’ve gone for a drive or to get away form the usual this year, has been packed with people, canyons, lakes, Spiral Jetty’s. I think we’re all thinking the same thing, get out in nature and gather carefully.

11-Family History-Oh, how I love my ancestors! I need to spend more time on them. I love the technology that allows me to do family history from home. I love learning and knowing about their lives and what they went through. It helps me to be grateful and know that I can do hard things, too.

12-Scrapbooks-These will always be necessary in my life. I love keeping a record of what we’re doing each year, and remembering events that mean so much in our lives. I’ll always do this!

13-Deep clean our house-Still doing this, but its definitely a source of feeling good.

14-Movie marathons, games, and laughing-Harry Potter, Scrabble, and others. Good times. There is something about watching a whole series or all the seasons from a show or movie that is satisfying. Great fun!

15-Build a greenhouse with my Darlin-I’ve always wanted a greenhouse. Me and my Darlin worked on this beautiful greenhouse all summer long. Many hours of love and creativity went into building this “She-shed”! My Darlin loves me!

16-Help my Mama-shopping for her, or with her if it’s not crowded, and sharing lunch together, listening and sharing what is going on in both of our lives since Daddy passed away.

17-Simplify-What matters most. What is the best thing/s I can do with today? It makes a difference to really think about my time.

18-Be productive everyday-I struggle when I’m sad/overwhelmed/super bummed. It is all I can do to get a shower and do the dishes, somedays. I do my best and that is enough.

19–Choose optimism & valor in distress! I love that even though I struggle with depression, I still have a desire to be happy, and productive. I push myself to do it, and am always glad I did.

I hope that the way I have chosen to look at COVID-19 is a help to you too.

We can do it!