Category Archives: Life

A Living, Breathing, Human Oxymoron.

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Nifty plant outside Olive Garden.

Yes, that’s me. First of all, let me apologize for being MIA for the last almost six months. I’m doing much better. I am feeling “joyful.” Back when I was born, these amazing people, my parents, named me Joy. They said it was because they knew I was special, and because of that I needed a special name. You can read more about that by reading my post entitled Choosing Joy.

For sometime now I have had some trouble. Like my “Most Quoted” said many years ago when I was telling him he needed to do better, he said, “I’m trying really hard at life!”

That’s what I have been doing. Trying really hard at life, and sometimes that takes all you have. I have been appearing like a happy, joyful person, but not feeling like one. That’s what happens when your name is Joy, and you don’t feel joyful. Who I am is not what I am. You know like Civil War, Jumbo Shrimp, living dead, and so on. I am a living, breathing, human oxymoron.

Well at least I have been.

Now, I am feeling better, more joyful, more like my old self. One thing that seems to have helped is watching my food intake and limiting sugar and carbs. I’m so thankful I feel better.

I am ready to do more, to share more.

Life is tough, but it is also joyful, and wonderful. In fact it’s almost exactly great!

    Not Very Amusing, Or Is It?

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    In our part of the world we have a popular amusement park. It is the closest thing Utah has to Disneyland. It’s called Lagoon!

    We went every year when I was growing up. The park would send discount tickets to our church, and we’d get to go and save a little money. The day was called Stake Lagoon Day.

    Some families had lots of kids, like ours, so getting a discount for admission was a big deal, and it was expensive enough that most families only took their kids once a year. At least I thought that, it might not even be true, I know we only went once a year. Anyway, I loved this event, and looked forward to it for most of the summer. I couldn’t wait to ride the scariest rides. Or see how many times I could go on the fast ones. I have such good memories of summer trips to Lagoon.

    Our family would pile in the car with a picnic and make our way to the park. It was about a half an hour from our house in the car. Once there, we’d put all the needed items for the picnic in the wagon and enter the park. After purchasing our tickets, and going through the gate we’d all walk to the rear of the park where there were many small grassy areas to set up a picnic. Some areas had only grass to put a blanket on and some had picnic tables. We’d always pick what we thought would be the best spot. When we were little, one of our parents took us around to the rides while the other stayed with our food, wagon and blankets. It was a kind of Home-base where we could leave things like prizes or jackets or treats to be looked after by Mom. As we got older the same routine happened except once at the picnic area, Dad would give us instructions for who could go where, always using the buddy system, then send us out into the park for a period of time and telling us to come back to eat at an appointed time. He always left the park for a little trip to go get fried chicken at KFC or the local grocery store. What fun memories!

    I worked there one summer right after high school. It was a fun job, because I could stay after work and ride the rides. I could go on my day off and ride, all at no cost, because I worked there. It was so great!

    Then something happened. I started not feeling very well after I rode the rides. What seemed to be a headachy feeling turned into a queasiness. Oh no, you guessed it. I was getting older, and what I remember happening to my dad, and other older people was now happening to me. One of my favorite summer activities was not going to be fun anymore. Bummer!

    It worked out though.

    Here’s why, by the time I wasn’t enjoying myself much on the rides, I had become a Mama of my own kids. The first time I saw my little boy Riley on

    Bulgy the Whale, tears came to my eyes.
    Source  

    to see his happiness, his complete joy at what he was experiencing was sooo much better to me than the experience of riding the rides myself.

    Being a parent and watching my children experience life, especially the good things in life is the best! It makes me think about Father in Heaven and how He must feel when He watches us enjoying this life experience. What a blessing it is that God has allowed us to experience in some small way what I’m sure makes Him happy, watching His children loving life. When our kids are happy and loving life that gives us the same joy.

    So Emily, my “Bonus Baby” went to Lagoon with Kelsey, my “Dream Come True” recently, and when they were riding on one of the fast rides Emily passed out, and her head whipped around and hit Kelsey in the face. The back of Emily’s head hit Kelsey’s cheek to be exact. Kelsey got a bruise, and Emily got a concussion. They laughed a little right after, but they were both really sore. Emily was sad because she said she doesn’t enjoy the rides like she used to when she was little, or young. It has already changed for her. I told her, “Just wait till your sweet tiny girl is a little bigger, and she can go on Bulgy the Whale.” Then I shared with her the secret about being a parent and watching your children experience true happiness!

    Slower and Steadier…or “Just Keep Swimming” …Some More!

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    Many years ago in the first few years of having a blog, I wrote a post about

    “Slow and Steady.”

    I shared the story of our son encouraging me in a overwhelmed moment to remember the story of the Tortoise and the Hare. He said, “Mom remember, slow and steady wins the race.” Trying to encourage me, he was letting me know that is is better to just move steady in the direction you want to go. Slow and steady progress is better that going so fast that you have to stop and rest because you’ve worn yourself out. Awesome advice!

    I still think about that experience often and I’m grateful for that cute little guy who reminded me. I seem to have been slower and steadier, lately than I like. I am doing my best to

    “just keep swimming”

    like Dory. So much of the things I am accomplishing are taking all I have to give. I haven’t had much energy left to blog, or even share my thoughts much.

    Honestly, I feel like I’ve done the whole blog thing wrong. I don’t have a clue if anyone reads what I write and don’t really know how to make things better. I keep reminding myself, that even if no one reads the blog, my family will someday be glad I wrote some things down. I know I still have things to say, I’m just trying to get back in the swing and start writing.

    One thought that crossed my mind is that next year is the tenth blogiversary. I may just put a big effort in until then and be done. We’ll see. So my goal is to: write, and do better at getting on here consistently.

    Worry, and Sadness.

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    I’m so sorry I haven’t written a post for so long. Some people work through their feelings, by sharing them. I usually need time to process.

    My dad had a heart valve replaced in February.

    I consider myself a faithful person, but I know that even people who are faithful and trust in God still have to experience things that are hard. Things that they don’t want to have to go through. I worried and worried about my dad, and how his life, and our lives might change if the surgery didn’t go well. He made it through the surgery and is doing good. I am so grateful for that. Both of my parents are in their 80’s, so their health and well being is on my mind a lot.

    ————————————————————————

    My brother was diagnosed with cancer in December.

    It was a surprise and took it’s toll on my brothers body and was very upsetting and frustrating to our family. What is the diagnosis? What is the prognosis? What is the treatment? Prayers, and fasting, were an ongoing ritual for us. My brother received priesthood blessings and continued to fight, but it was not meant for him to stay.

    He passed away on March 15th.

    Our family is heart broken. He was such a wonderful soul. Such a hard working good man. He left us way to soon. He was 59 years old. He had so much life left to live, so many things left to do, and so much love to share. We will miss him so much.

    I am still so sad. I have a strong testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, of the Plan of Salvation, but this is the part I don’t like. I don’t like it when we have to be separated by death from those we love. I believe with all my heart that we will be with our brother, son, husband dad, and grandpa, Brad someday again. I will just miss him so much until that day. I am so grateful that part of our Heavenly Father’s plan is that we come to earth as part of a family. I feel so blessed to grow up in the family that my brothers are a part of, with our wonderful parents. They are the ones I was supposed to be with while learning some of my life lesson’s. I will always be thankful for that, but I don’t want to be without them for the rest of my life. Now I have lost two of my brothers.

    I am thankful for the opportunity to have this earthly experience. To grow up in a family with wonderful parents. It’s just hard when our family changes because someone has passed on.

    “We cannot fully appreciate joyful reunions later without tearful separations now. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life.” Russell M Nelson

    My Job List!

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    I have in my notes on my phone a list.

    At first I called it: Past Jobs/Past Regrets. 

    I have had many jobs in my life. I didn’t really mean to have many jobs, but it just happened. As my Darlin and I would drive around town here or there, I would say, “I worked there!” He said I needed to make a list. I thought that might be a good idea just for fun. So I did. I started my list with my first job after babysitting as a teenager.

    Let me name a few of my jobs: picking cherries, fast food, summer recreation, t-shirt store, flowers, phone sales, motel, delivery, Fitness instructor, retail, amusement park, selling knifes, photographer assistant, Cosmetology, book store, personal assistant, dentist office, daycare, lunch lady, real estate, and insurance, just to name a few.

    I can’t say I’ve spent a lot of time at each job.

    Some jobs I just tried, to see how things went.

    Sometimes the employer called me to offer me a job, without me even applying. Yes, that happened.

    Sometimes I was in desperate need of a job to help pay bills, and took what I could get.

    Sometimes I wasn’t a good fit for them, sometimes they weren’t a good fit for me.

    I wouldn’t trade any experience I have had. I have learned so much, and all of that experience is part of who I am.

    I ran into two of my friends at the grocery store, and they were asking about my job at the flower shop. I told them how much I love it. How blessed I feel to have it. Somehow my job list came up in the conversation. They said they wanted to see it. I pulled out my phone and showed them the list. They scanned down the list, asking about this job or that. I would tell them about some of my experiences. They said they didn’t even want to go to that many interviews, let alone work at that many jobs. They told me I was brave, motivated and amazing. I loved that. They said, “You need to change the name of your list to: “My Bravery and Experience”, list, which I did.

    My last job on my Bravery and Experience list is my last, best job @ the flower shop!

    I love my job! Sometimes you have to go through some hard, not fun, jobs to get to your last, best job! I’m glad I have “My Bravery and Experience” list, and to have all the bravery and experience to go with it!

    Opposition!

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    I hate it, but “it must needs be, that we have an opposition in all things.”

    According to a Book of Mormon prophet, Lehi it is part of our Heavenly Father’s plan. The plan that allows us to choose and experience life on earth.

    The part that is not my favorite, is the part about going through bad, so we can appreciate the good.

    I have been sick for the last few days. I was dealing with a lot of not pleasant things that my body was doing. And I had many thoughts cross my mind that I hate being sick. I don’t ever want to be sick!

    I hate it!

    Then I remind myself, if I was never sick, I wouldn’t appreciate how good it feels to be healthy. We actually had this illness going through our family. I told Kelsey, I don’t know how people who have to deal with a long term sickness do it. These people who don’t feel good for weeks, or years, and seem to still be able to have a positive attitude and a smile on their face. They are amazing. I’m grateful for their example.

    I am so happy I’m feeling better.

    And pray others who don’t feel good, will feel better as well.

    Yay, for opposition!!! Yay, for bad and good! God is great and I’m grateful for His beautiful plan of happiness!

    If I’d Only Known…It Will Be Wonderful!

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    18 Years Old

    When I was just a young girl,

    in my teens, I would day dream about being married and having a family,

    someday.

    I wanted so much to be loved by a wonderful man, and to be the mama to some darling children.

    I really wasn’t sure it would ever happen.

    I had a lot of self esteem issues.

    I didn’t think anyone would ever want to be married to me. I thought I wasn’t pretty enough; skinny enough, fun enough, lovable enough for someone to want to be with me.  And if there was never someone who wanted to be with me, then I would never get to be a mama. I always felt, and still feel, that the best place to raise children is with a mom and a dad married. These are my beliefs and feelings, based on how I was raised. So if no one ever loved me, I would never marry, and never be a mom.

    I know this sounds a little dramatic, but I was a teenager thinking like a teenager.

    I just wish I could have had my grandma self come visit for a bit, with my teenager self. It would have helped me to be able to relax and not worry so much.

    I would tell my teenage self,

    “You are beautiful and very lovable!” 

    I would tell myself how wonderfully blessed your husband will feel to have you in his life.

    That your children will admire the way you keep going even when you are overwhelmed and sad. I would tell my younger self that it might take a little time,

    but it will happen,

    and it will be wonderful!

    You will be older than you thought you’d like to be married, but you will have good experiences that will add to your knowledge of life and how to live and love people.

    Experiences that you would never trade.

    23 Years Old

     

    Then after some time you will have what you dream of, and it will be worth the wait, and oh, so, precious.

    The best part of all of it?

    Grandbabies!!

    —-

    Why are we so hard on ourselves?

    Why do we not just trust our Father in Heaven has blessings, wonderful blessings coming our way? If I’d only known then, what I know now, I think I would not have been so hard on myself, I would have enjoyed the process of going through life, a little more.

    Maybe there is something to that.

    Maybe we need to trust, have faith that Heavenly Father wants us to be happy and even though sometimes we have to go through hard things to get to the happiness, we can do our best to enjoy the process. Have “Joy” in the journey! It all worked out and I worried so much.

    Happily Married for 32 Years!

    One thing is for sure, I’m so happy to be where I am now. So thankful for a sweet Darlin, the opportunity to be a mom, mother-in-law, and grandma! Life is a blessing!

    A Man of God.

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    Our sweet Prophet, President Thomas S Monson passed away yesterday.

    I am so grateful for his life and example. He has lived a life of integrity, and service. Everyone should have an example like Thomas S Monson to look up to show how to live the best life.

    My favorite quote of his is:

    “Whom the Lord calls, the Lord qualifies.”

    Other favorite quotes:

    “Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”

    “Choose your love, love your choice.”

    “A happy home is but an earlier heaven.”

    “A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder never likely to reach home port.”

    “Do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle.”

    “The future is as bright as your faith.”

    He was called to be the bishop of an LDS congregation at the age of 22, with a membership of 1080 people, 84 of which were widows. He took good care of those widows, even speaking at all of their funerals. He was a stake president, a mission president and became an apostle when he was 36. He has been our prophet for almost 10 years. He lost his wife almost 5 years ago. I’m sure they had a beautiful reunion yesterday. We have enjoyed his wisdom and love for many years. The service he has given in his lifetime is immeasurable. He was 90 years old. We will all miss President Thomas S Monson!

    Happy New Year! Happy 2018!

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    Happy 2018!

    And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
    “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
    And he replied:
    “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
    That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”

    -Minnie Louise Haskins

    Whenever a new year starts, I think of this introduction to Minnie Haskins poem. I am always a little apprehensive about the new year. Will it be a year of learning, growth, love, and success? Maybe it’s not good to have expectations. I don’t always do well when things don’t turn out the way I was hoping or planning. I know realistically, that there will be challenges, that’s what life is all about. We never really know what the new year will bring. Let’s see what happened in 2017.

    This past year has brought many blessings and challenges:

    *We were blessed in our family with a new grand baby. She is such a sweet little soul and has been so much fun to love and watch her as she learns new things. I can’t imagine my life without her.

    *We found out that a family member has cancer. It’s tough to know those we love are going to suffer. Its hard to know how to love, and help them. Maybe praying for them is enough.

    *We lost my husbands mom. She was 82 and lived a wonderful live, and had been alone since the passing of her husband a few years ago. I believe they are together now.

    *Our young nephew passed away unexpectedly. He has been sick, but not with something we thought would take his life. He will be missed and I know hearts are broken from the loss.

    *I was blessed to find and work at my dream job, at a flower shop. I love the flowers, the people I work with, and my boss is wonderful. I am so happy to have a job that allows me to make a living, and be creative. It is also a blessing to be able to bless other peoples lives with something beautiful that can ease sadness, and put a smile on their face. I love it!

    * I have a family. They are a big part of my life. I am so grateful for a wonderful husband and amazing grown children. I have two perfect daughter-in-laws and one super son-in-law, the most precious grandchildren you could ask for, and extended family that are the bomb! What would I do without them? I don’t want to think about it. I have ancestors whose example and lives help me to keep going. Family is the best!

    The thing that helps me as I think about the new year, is that God is a part of my life. All our lives. He is there to listen, bless and help us as we travel through the year. His hand and guidance is “better than light, and safer than a known way.” His love can help us through anything. Sometimes during the busy, hectic days I have to stop, and just listen. Feel my heart beating… is He close?  Yes. I know He is. Say a little prayer, and tell Him how much I love Him. I know He will help me as I go on my way. He will help you, too.

    This last few years I’ve really struggled with depression. I have so much sadness at times. I have not done a great job on this blog, but I want to do better, and that is my goal. I hope that what I say can be a blessing to someone reading this.

    Best wishes for the New Year! 2018!

    So Much Fun!!!

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    I am having so much fun at my new job!

    It really is a dream job for me. I have worked at many jobs in my life. All have been useful in one way or another. I’ve learned a lot at each job. Some things I’ve learned are things I’d rather not experience, and some have been helpful time and time again in other life experiences. 

    This job is a gift!

    I feel blessed to have a fun place to work with wonderful people who I love. 

    My favorite things about my job are these:

    1-I am using the creative talents I have been blessed with to make something that will make someone else smile when they receive it.

    2-My days are so enjoyable that the day is over before I realize it, and I haven’t missed being home doing things there. This has been a problem with other jobs, because I usually want to be home getting things done there instead of working.

    3-Flowers are my favorite! I love all of God’s creations. I am in awe daily when I see all we have been given in this beautiful world. Flowers are such a sweet and delicate reminder that our Father in Heaven loves us, that our Savior and creator of the world would take the time to create the most tiny flowers. Some with heart shaped petals to show us- all of creation is important. If He cares about something so small, He cares about us, and the details of our lives.

    4-I am so happy that what I do for my job is a blessing to others. I make a small contribution to making a funeral beautiful by delivering flowers for the casket. I get to see the smile on someones face when I show up at their door with flowers from someone who loves them. I get to create beautiful arrangements like the one pictured above that are lovely and brings happiness to others. What more could you ask for?

    5-I get paid to do something I love, with people I love, and I get to bless and love others as a result of my work. 

    I am so grateful for my new job! I will Bloom at my new job, and Plant in my heart and hopefully those I share my time with a love for beautiful flowers!!!