You’ve Got Mail

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This cute and fun romantic comedy came out in 1998. Little did I know at that time it would be such a big part of my life. In 1998 my children were 12, 9, 7, and 4. My days were spent doing laundry, cleaning, running kids and errands all over the city we lived in. It was a typical routine that most moms know. We had only been in our home for a year or so and were feeling the stretch of a house that was a little too much for us. We moved there, because we had a plan to put a massage and hair shop in the basement apartment that was part of the house. This shop would bring in income and help with the house bills and help us raise our family. It didn’t quite work the way we thought. Not wanting strangers coming into our home, we chose not to advertise our shop. Our clientale was word of mouth, not enough customers came. The neighbors were wonderful and very supportive. Often children would stop on their way home from school to get their hair cut. My sweetie still needed to work full time which allowed for health and dental insurance. As it became clear the shop would not provide enough income, I started working at the local grocery store, the first of many jobs through the years.

All my life I have wanted to be a stay at home mom, a homemaker. Making a home is very important to me. So now I was not only a mom, and a homemaker, I was bringing in income. It became very important to supplement my husbands income. I worked about 3-4 days a week. After a time, I started other small jobs, I even tended for a friend for many years. I did PTA, worked part-time, worked full-time, I tended full-time, and I had very responsible church callings. I even studied real estate and insurance at different times, all in an effort to make enough money to pay the bills and live. I enjoyed all of this busyness as much as I could, but then started to struggle with the responsibilities and depending on the day and what I had to do after work, I would come home at 5:00 take off my bra, put on my pj’s and get into bed. I would start the movie “You’ve Got Mail” and would always feel more light and sometimes even happy. Sometimes the kids would hop on my bed with me and we would all watch. I’ve always loved being their mom! I am usually a motivated person, I push myself, but for years I was so over-whelmed that I was just moving a long, doing what I could. Sometime in the middle of all this Alex said to me “Slow and Steady wins the race!” from the Tortoise and The Hare story. I wrote a post about that. Those kind of phases are helpful, too.

I watched You’ve Got Mail so many times, I don’t know, but I still love it so much. The things I love about this movie are; It takes place in New York City, her apartment is adorable, Meg Ryan is the main character and she is just a easy going bookstore owner who just turned 30 years old, I love books, when the story starts it’s Fall (my favorite season), there are some cute and funny one liners, one of the biggest reasons why I love the movie is how she handles the challenges she faces. She does get discouraged, but doesn’t stay discouraged. The most important part is the happy ending. My Darlin always says I need to only watch “Sweetness and Light.” It’s true no dark and scary stuff for me! Sometimes it’s just fun to escape your own life and live through someone else even if it’s just for a few hours. It was important during years when I needed to cope with a busy, busy life. Now my kids are adults. They are amazing! I am very happy I made it through those years!!

On a trip to New York City, we did a little tour of the places that are in the movie. What a blast! We saw the store that was “The Shop Around the Corner.” We’ve been to Cafe Lalo where Kathleen waits for her email pen pal, we have seen H & H Bagels-we didn’t go in, Starbucks, Zabar’s, Riverside Park & Gray’s Papaya (super yummy hotdogs). It is so fun to visit places you’ve seen in a movie.

I still love You’ve Got Mail even though I don’t watch the movie much these days. It actually doesn’t help me feel better like it used to, but I keep finding things that do.

I am so thankful there are distractions, diversions, and other ways of coping when life is over-whelming! I’m super thankful for favorite movies like “You’ve Got Mail!”

A Sacred Place

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Through all the days of my childhood and youth I knew I wanted to go to them temple, someday. I thought it would probably be to be married. I did know that temples have been an important place to commune with God from the beginning of time and in many religious groups. I knew it was important to the religion I was raised in. I’m grateful that there was an anticipation and goal to go inside someday. There is a song that talks about going to the temple written by Janice Kapp Perry.

I love to see the temple. I’m going there someday

To feel the Holy Spirit, To listen and to pray.

For the temple is a house of God, A place of love and beauty.

I’ll prepare myself while I am young; This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple. I’ll go inside someday.

I’ll cov’nant with my Father; I’ll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place Where we are sealed together.

As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth: A fam’ly is forever.

She wrote this song in 1980. I was 19 years old and taught little eighteen month-three year olds in the nursery. I’m sure we sang it. I love the spirit this song brings to my heart. As I got older I looked forward to going to the temple. I didn’t know for sure what happened in there because it is sacred and not talked about in regular conversation, but I knew I wanted to go and planned on going when the right time came.

The right time came shortly after I received a mission call to serve for my church. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I was called to serve in the Texas, San Antonio Mission. I had been going back and forth with the decision to go or not for months. Every time I thought about going the spirit would burn inside my chest, testifying that this was right and good. I was very scared to leave home. I had never been gone for more than a month in my whole life. Missionary girls serve for 18 months. I was afraid my parents would die while I was gone, etc. But I could not deny the prompting, it was real and powerful. So powerful that I sent my papers in and received my call.

After my call came the next step was to enter the temple and receive my endowment. At churchofjesuschrist.org the endowment is descibed like this:

“The endowment is a religious ceremony administered in temples of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is available to adult Church members who are prepared for this sacred experience.

The endowment provides instruction, covenants, and promised blessings that offer power, purpose, and protection in daily life.”

I knew I wanted to go to the temple. I had planned on going my whole life, but I was very overwhelmed at the thought of it. I knew it was important. I knew it would change my life, and help me to be better, and do better in my life.

On the day I was planning on going to the temple I was going to Cosmetology at the local college and thought off and on about what would happened later that day -all day long. I was apprehensive, nervous, and excited. I got home from school, and my parents and I left for the temple. It was only about 8 miles away from our home. I continued to think about what I was about to do. I had looked forward to this all of my life, 21 years. I honestly thought I would be getting married when I went to the temple, but the opportunity was not presented. I had become quite independent and was ok to an extent leaving home and having an adventure.

When we got to the temple my Daddy dropped me and my Mama off at the doors and went to park the car.

I walked into the temple for the first time.

The first thing I noticed was how light it was. It was dark outside, but it still seemed so light. I felt the most peaceful feeling I have ever felt in my life. The sweet lady who was there just for me, walked up to me and touched my arm and asked my name. I told her and she said with the sweetest voice, “I’m so glad you’re here.” She asked me to follow her. I felt so much love. Love and Peace are exactly what you want to feel when you are doing what God wants for you. I knew my life, and my decision to serve a mission was what God wanted. I knew that I was where I was supposed to be. I felt the same feeling I felt when the spirit prompted me to go and serve the Lord. I knew that everything would be ok.

My experience at the temple was sacred. I am so grateful for that experience, and all the other experiences I’ve had attending the temple.

It wouldn’t be for another 2 and 1/2 years before I was married in the Salt Lake Temple to my eternal companion and sweetest Darlin.

“For the temple is a house of God, a place of love and beauty.” What a wonderful Father in Heaven, and Savior to bless us with the ability to commune with them and feel love and peace in this world.

Mama

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Photo Credit-Larry Hanson

She is a wonderful Mama. She is my friend. I’m grateful she is mine.

These are a few of the things that make my Mom the great gal she is.

She grew up with a Mama and a Daddy and one sister. She learned a lot growing up. Her Daddy was a hard worker, but also an alcoholic. He joined AA when she was 16. She learned respect. Her Mama was a saint, and taught her how to love and be kind. Her sister was spunky and a tease. This taught her patience. She was a good student graduating a year early. She was a good worker, having jobs that were important like a telephone operator. If you don’t know what that is ask someone older than 30.

She is motivated and has gotten a lot accomplished and has done her whole life. She raised 6 kids, then went to college and received a degree in early childhood education. She taught pre-school, Head Start, and an after school program for latch key kids called CARES.

She has been a student of history all her life, having lived for 89 years. She was born during the Depression. She remembers when Pearl Harbor was attacked. Because of her, I love history. She loves teaching even now, she is very wise. A funny thing she says after she’s had an opportunity to teach is, “I’m such a good teacher!” I usually laugh and say, “Yes, you are!” She enjoys teaching too. She teaches Family History Classes, lessons at Church, Group lessons at the place she lives.

She is healthy and comes from good stock, as they say. She once fell down 24 cement stairs and didn’t break any bones. She was 84 years old when this happened. She and my Daddy were in Slovenia traveling and having so much fun with my little brother and his wife, and her parents. What a miracle!

She is very spiritual. She reads her scriptures everyday. She prays and wants to do what God would have her do in life. She doesn’t let the challenges in life bring her down. Some people would call that grounded. Her perspective is always eternal. She lost her sweetheart and love, 2 years ago and doesn’t feel sad all the time. She knows she’ll see him again, and that they will be together forever.

She likes to be by herself. When I was young this bothered me. I wanted her to want to spend time with me. I am the only daughter. I thought we should be shopping or something. At this point in our lives, I’m ok with my Mama not wanting to be with me too much. She’s taught me that to be by myself is a good place. She’s taught me that she is who she is and we don’t always have the same feelings or ideas, and that’s ok too.

Family is very important to her. She loves the ones who came before, and she loves the ones who are living now. She has taught me to love all of these people too. For 30 + years my Mom would have Sunday dinner for the whole family at their home. This was amazing to me. The meal alone is expensive. For many years, my Mom didn’t even have a dish washer. She would hand wash all those dishes Monday morning. We still get together, though not always at her place and not every week. Because she taught me to love my ancestors I have been blessed to know I’ll never alone. They are always there, with their example, their story, their ability to live life even when it was hard. I am connected to them and I love them so much.

Yes, she is a wonderful Mama. She is such a blessing and I’m filled with gratitude to God for blessing me with the perfect parents, and today I’m especially grateful for my sweet Mama!

Play Time

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As a child my play time was spent riding my tricycle, then my bicycle, riding down the hill in my red wagon, or playing school with my dolls and stuffed animals. I would line them all up on the living room furniture and teach them the important things in life like the alphabet and how to count. When I got older play time was kick the can in the street or any other neighborhood game, calling boys- who had suddenly become “cute” sometimes hanging up before saying anything, swimming at our neighbors house, or horseback riding with my best friend. We rode horses almost every week. All of these things were so fun.

For many years in my youth I spend at least a few hours a day doing gymnastics. I would consider this play, because it was my favorite thing to do. I would never be an Olympic gymast, or even compete at a state level. I was ok with that, I was having a blast and loving all the time I was able to spend doing gymnastics. I had mastered a round off and several back hand springs, and also a round off-hand springs and then a back tuck. I could do some tricks or stunts on all of the apparatus, but not a lot of tricks. I could do quite a bit of tricks on the trampoline. I could spend hours on a trampoline. It was such fun.

When I started dating my sweetheart, we did sport activities while on dates. It was amazing to me how good he is at everything; tennis, racket ball, skiing, golf, ping pong, and so on. When we would play together I often got frustrated, because I was so bad at all of these things. It was plain to see that he was enjoying himself while playing more than me.

As the years of our marriage have gone by, I have grown more interested in accomplishing projects, like sewing, and working on keeping our memories organized. At this point in my life, this is play. If I ever have a few hours or even a few days, I will spend it scrapbooking, or making something.

Sometimes I send my Darlin off to play a sport with friends while I “play” in the office working on the memories of our lives, or sewing a fun project for our home. It’s amazing how through the years what is considered fun changes. I’m glad it does, and so it should.

It Was a Challenging Day

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We were married August 7, 1985, and just a few months after we were married I became pregnant with our first son. It was a time of excitement looking forward to becoming parents. I worked 20 or so hours a week doing hair at a Command Performance Salon. I was getting used to carrying around a little more weight, and would sometimes have to relax after work by putting my feet up. All feelings, events, and plans seemed to revolve around this little human that would join our family in July 1986. It’s amazing how much you can’t plan or know.

Meanwhile…

The world was busy with all sorts of things. One thing that came up often on the news was that NASA had picked a teacher, Christa McAuliffe to go into space with the astronauts and teach lessons to the students here, on earth. I believe it was a contest to encourage interest in the space program. The world had grown indifferent to the space program, and having this sweet, wonderful woman volunteer to be a part of all that being an astronaut is, made the whole country excited. We all watched for months as the astronauts and the teacher prepared for the day they would take off and share the whole thing with all of us interested people.

As the day approached for take off, there were issues. Things happened that prevented them taking off. One issue that I remember was kind of silly, and I really wondered if they were supposed to go! The hatch door wouldn’t close, and they finally just cut the hinge to get the astronauts out and wait for another day.

On the day they ended up going, the temperature was unseasonably cold for Florida. There were ice cycles all over the launch pad and the space shuttle. The people at NASA were concerned, the people at Thoikol, a Utah based company that made the rocket boosters were concerned, everyone involved with the decision to take off or not were wondering what to do.

The decision was made that the shuttle would go.

The shuttle Challenger took off. Everything seemed fine. The family and students all watching the launch, when there seemed to be an explosion and the different parts- the shuttle, the rocket boosters and the external fuel tank all seemed to separate and everyone just sat there staring. Some with their mouths open, some with a puzzled look on their face. The men at the NASA headquarters even looked shocked. One of the men said, “Obviously a major malfunction.”

The Challenger was gone, it broke apart. With everyone watching, devastated.

I was at work on the day the Challenger disaster happened. Once the world knew what had happened the news networks talked about it a lot. It was so hard to watch. It was so sad to see the family members and know that many schools had students watching when this happened. Can you imagine how the world changed that day. All of those young souls seeing such a tragedy in real time. I will never forget. When I got home from work I sat with my feet propped up and watched repeat after repeat of what happened. Our country was so sad. Our country had lost 7 brave souls in the blink of an eye. They were here, then they were not.

Life is tough. It’s not fair. I feel such sorrow for those whose lives changes forever on that day.

Riley was born on July 19th 1986, almost six months after the disaster. He changed our lives and blessed our days. He had a birthday and became a one year old. He had another birthday and became a two year old. He was saying words and noticing everything. He discovered airplanes, only he called them Maymay’s.

On the morning of September 29, 1988 Riley and I watched the Space Shuttle Discovery launch on the TV. It had almost been three years since the Challenger disaster. I’m sure he pointed at the the TV and said, “Maymay!” I told him how important it was that Discovery took off and had a successful trip. The five crew members would make it home to see their families.

I cried when I watched the launch of Discovery, just like I cried when I watched the Challenger.

The type of people who become astronauts and even a teacher who are willing to fly to space to teach a lesson or two are the kind of people who make me proud of our country and proud of the best part of humanity. They will to do amazing things and they’re not afraid to pay the ultimate price for it.

I’m the kind of person who looks up to those kind of people. I watch in awe of their bravery. I love and share what they do with my children and shed a tear and feel sad when it doesn’t work out. I also feel such happiness and gratitude when it does work out!

Leaving Home is Tough.

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I’m not sure why, but I have a really hard time leaving. You could call it a phobia. Maybe it’s because I’m a homebody and spend most of my time at home. So on the rare occasion that I get the opportunity to leave for a period of time, or go on a fun trip, I have a really hard time leaving. My eyes fill up with tears and I feel incredible sorrow and concern-wondering how things will go, when I’ll make it back or if I’ll make it back.

I had someone tell me once- while helping me work through some of the challenges I was dealing with, that they felt or had an impression that when it was time to come to earth and leave my heavenly home, I didn’t want to leave there either. That doesn’t surprise me! and I believe it. I’m sure I knew, as much as one can know, that life would be hard and have challenges and I loved being with Father in heaven and others there that I love. And maybe that’s part of it. Time with those I love is at the top of my list of favorites. It might be a little bit codependent…I’ve always believed I need them, maybe more than they need me.

It might have to do with control and trust. When I leave home, I hope the car works good, that we make it to our destination without being stuck in the middle of nowhere. I hope we don’t have a wreck. When flying, I hope the pilot is a good one. I usually kiss the plane with my hand on the way in and pray for the pilot. But, I’m not in charge, I have to trust others to help me get to my destination. (Not that I could fly a plane, or that I want to do it)

When I talk to others about this phobia about leaving they are very surprised that I have such a hard time. While talking about it with my brother and sister in law one time we came to the conclusion that part of the problem is that I rarely leave. My sister in law travels all the time for work. These family members travel a lot for fun and have been many places in the world. They have no problem leaving.

Maybe” practice makes perfect!”

The thing is I don’t need to leave home. I am homemaker and I love to be here and we really can’t afford to travel much. So for now, leaving may have to continue to be tough. I feel like it has improved through the years. I may even have a tough time leaving this experience called life when the time comes, even though I know there is family and loved ones on the other side waiting to see me after my time here is done. I will just keep doing my best and leaving when I get the chance to travel and visit and see the world.

Autumn is a smile!

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My favorite season is autumn. I was born in November, I think I must have asked if I could arrive on the planet during this beautiful season. I was born on the 10th, my favorite number. I love the crisp fall air, the beautiful colors of fall, especially the leaves. The rustling of leaves as they fall from the tree is such a splendid sound. When growing up and also raising our kids Halloween was the best and most fun-making costumes and having celebrations. It is fun to see the neighbor children when they trick or treat at the door. They always sound so excited and act so anxious to get the candy!

One year we were in New York City on Halloween, we saw how the people do it there. They closed down a block of homes (brownstones) and just have a carnival. A lot of the parents dress up with the kids. One family all dressed up as The Incredibles. They had realistic costumes and it was cute to see the kids dressed up with their masks, and the baby riding in a stroller.

I love Carmel apples, pumpkin pie, hot chocolate, apple cider, Halloween candy, and cinnamon, anything. Cinnamon flavor, cinnamon smell, cinnamon ice cream…yes that exists. A favorite of mine is watching a fun or scary movie snuggled under a quilt with snacks.

Autumn is just cool, beautiful, happy and fun!!

“Autumn…the year’s last loveliest smile.” -William Cullen Bryant

My Favorite Place.

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When I think of places that I enjoy spending time, they are always near water. Water has a way of soothing and calming my inner turmoil. I feel close to God when I am near water. The sound, especially if it is just a small sound, like a brook trickling along.

I guess if it is a big sound that reminds me of God too, but mostly His power and majesty. Standing at the edge of a large waterfall is scary, but breath taking. I have to hang on tight to something for fear I’ll go over with the water. So big water may not be a favorite, but it’s still very amazing.

When I was a child, at our home in the country, we lived near a brook–or creek as I called it. I would go there almost every day. It was very near our home, maybe 50 yards away. Trees grew along the banks of the creek, but there were open spaces too, where the sun shown down through to the water. The sun made the water sparkle and shine as it traveled. I loved the sound, the tinkling and bubbling sound it made as the water ran past. I loved watching the water. Sometimes a small leaf or twig would be carried down the stream and then get caught for a second. Other times I would send a little leaf boat down and follow it for a bit. At certain times I would see tadpoles or tiny fish. The creek would end up down the hill at a small pond we used to go to sometimes as well. I loved watching the tiny living creatures moving a long knowing they were headed to bigger and better places.

I would lay on my tummy and put my chin on the hands and watch, listen, and think. The creek was a sacred place to me. Away from others, and away from concerns. I felt my Heavenly Father close there. I felt loved. It was quiet, except for the sounds of nature all around me. A bird could be heard, or a breeze that blew through the trees. This place and how I felt there reminds me to “Be still.”

In the Bible, Psalms 46:10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God.”

I felt such a calmness at the little creek, that to this day, if I have a minute to sit near water, I am right back there, feeling love and calm, and oh so, grateful for my Father in Heaven, tiny things, and my knowledge that He is God, aware and loving us.

I know He is God because of my favorite place.

My OK- Sense of Smell

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I would say my sense of smell is ok.

I’m ok with my sense of smell being ok. Smell is wonderful if it is a beautiful bouquet of flowers, or a wonderfully prepared dinner. Maybe not so wonderful if you work at the sewage treatment plant.

As I’ve gone through life, I’ve had a few times when my sense of smell has brought me back to a memory from my life. Coming in the door at my parents the smell of a roast cooking in the oven always reminds me of sharing wonderful Sundays together as a family. The smell of freshly cut grass reminds me of busy Saturday afternoons feeling accomplished that the day was a success, and we got all our chores done. The smell of a perm will always bring back memories of the time I spent in cosmetology school. The smell of a crisp fall day, with a tinge of some type of hard wood burning in someones wood burning stove, reminds me of hot chocolate and pumpkin carving. The smell of a new shower curtain liner reminds me of getting a new baby doll on Christmas morning. The smell of lilacs in spring is tops and can’t be beat!

I worked at a flower shop a few years back and loved it. At first the smell of flowers was overpowering. I can tell you my favorite smelling flowers: roses, stock, freesia, and the smell of eucalyptus, or evergreen at Christmas are divine. After a bit of time, I wasn’t smelling the flowers much. When someone would walk into the shop they would say, “Wow, this place smells amazing!” When we would tell them we couldn’t smell the flowers anymore they’d be so surprised. Then one customer came in and we had the conversation about the smell, or lack of smell, they said they have a friend who works at the sewer treatment facility who can’t smell the waste anymore. I think that is a blessing. I did daycare off and on in my life, and one thing that I considered a blessing was that I didn’t smell poopy diapers. I would have to make an effort to check the babies diapers often, because the smell never alerted me that they would need to be changed.

I’m not saying that my olfactory doesn’t work, but I’m thankful it doesn’t work super great. I’m grateful it works ok.

Swing Therapy

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This beautiful little girl is my granddaughter, Willow! Livin her best life!!

We have a beautiful tree in the middle of our back yard. It provides us with wonderful shade. Even though the shade is wonderful, we had to cut a limb off so the garden could get enough sun. So I asked my darlin if we could leave part of the limb for a swing.

I have been wanting one of those big round swings that can hold a lot of grandkids/weight. We installed the swing with heavy duty rope, so even in my fluffy, jolly grandma state I can ride on the swing.

The anticipation was real.

When my turn came, I walked backward slowly preparing for take off, and lifted my legs.

Oh the rapture!

The swift movement forward of the swing was exhilarating! I laid back, and crossed my legs on the swing, and closed my eyes. The sun was high in the sky overhead, so I closed my eyes for a few moments to feel the sensations through my body. The movement forward and back was a feeling of freedom unlike the usual feeling of being stuck to the earth, feeling slow with heavy steps. With my eyes closed I could still feel and see the light from the sun. It made a yellow-reddish color through my eyelids with the dapples of shadows from clouds and other branches above. My body was a mixture of cool from the movement and warm from the heat of the sun.

Oh, how I love the sun, and the feeling of the cool breeze passing by is wonderful as well. The view when my eyes were open was just as wonderful. Seeing the sun break through the trees limbs, the bright blue sky with white puffy clouds. What a treat! What a fun and relaxing place to ride.

Memories of yesterday, and new feelings of gratitude and love for this beautiful world, the tree, the sun and the sky. All of these could be felt and appreciated because of big round swing.