I’m not sure why, but I have a really hard time leaving. You could call it a phobia. Maybe it’s because I’m a homebody and spend most of my time at home. So on the rare occasion that I get the opportunity to leave for a period of time, or go on a fun trip, I have a really hard time leaving. My eyes fill up with tears and I feel incredible sorrow and concern-wondering how things will go, when I’ll make it back or if I’ll make it back.
I had someone tell me once- while helping me work through some of the challenges I was dealing with, that they felt or had an impression that when it was time to come to earth and leave my heavenly home, I didn’t want to leave there either. That doesn’t surprise me! and I believe it. I’m sure I knew, as much as one can know, that life would be hard and have challenges and I loved being with Father in heaven and others there that I love. And maybe that’s part of it. Time with those I love is at the top of my list of favorites. It might be a little bit codependent…I’ve always believed I need them, maybe more than they need me.
It might have to do with control and trust. When I leave home, I hope the car works good, that we make it to our destination without being stuck in the middle of nowhere. I hope we don’t have a wreck. When flying, I hope the pilot is a good one. I usually kiss the plane with my hand on the way in and pray for the pilot. But, I’m not in charge, I have to trust others to help me get to my destination. (Not that I could fly a plane, or that I want to do it)
When I talk to others about this phobia about leaving they are very surprised that I have such a hard time. While talking about it with my brother and sister in law one time we came to the conclusion that part of the problem is that I rarely leave. My sister in law travels all the time for work. These family members travel a lot for fun and have been many places in the world. They have no problem leaving.
Maybe” practice makes perfect!”
The thing is I don’t need to leave home. I am homemaker and I love to be here and we really can’t afford to travel much. So for now, leaving may have to continue to be tough. I feel like it has improved through the years. I may even have a tough time leaving this experience called life when the time comes, even though I know there is family and loved ones on the other side waiting to see me after my time here is done. I will just keep doing my best and leaving when I get the chance to travel and visit and see the world.